I will now start the story of SPAM: The Other White Meat......... It all begins in 5th Grade at a small school in New Jersey called Westfield Friends. And when I say small, I mean SMALL! There are about 20 students in each class, but that year, I believe we had 16 or 17. There were 6 girls in the class, including myself. And the guys were pretty annoying, so it basically went that the guys hung around the guys, and the girls hung around the girls. That year though, it was a bit different.
We had 2 new students, both of whom were okay. Little did I know, that I was soon to become wonderful friends with one of them. As time went on our friendship grew. I already had a best friend who was a girl, and never in my wildest ideas had I thought of the concept of a guy as a best friend.
Well, the three of us became very close, and we would joke around about the weirdest things. He was soo funny! We started calling him "honey buns" to make all the guys jealous. It was great. One day, out of the blue, I asked him "Do you ever wonder what SPAM is made of?" He just sort of stared at me for a sec, and then started cracking up! I went on to say, "Well, it certainly isn't real meat. I dunno what it is, or what it's made of. Eww...I don't want to think about it." And so, we would continously joke about the ingrediants that go into SPAM.
It was almost Christmas time, and it was our last day of school before the holidays. Christian was leaving our class. His dad had gotten a job in Switzerland, and Christian was moving. By this time, I was completely obsessed with him and I knew I thought of him as more than a friend. Of course, he already had a girlfriend, and I had helped the two get together. I was a total spaz once he left.
I heard very little from him. I got a letter once, with a picture of him and his friends in Switzerland. I was soo happy when this came, that I forgot to mail him back. A year went by.
One day I came home from my friend's house, when my parents tell me someone "special" called while I was gone. They told me it had been Christian, and I started hitting myself for not being at home to take the call.
But patience did pay off, and finally, he called again. He sounded so completely different, but I was happy to hear from him. I then realized I sounded different too. We had both matured. He was calling me from New Hampsire, and he told me to turn MTV on. I was not a big MTV watcher then, so I did it reluctantly. Tom Green was on. I didn't think it was all that funny, but he did. Now I love Tom Green.
Before he hung up though, he mentioned our encounters with SPAM. I was about to cry because he remembered that, and us calling him "honey buns." He said we should get matching SPAM hats over the internet, so that we would always have a part of the other with us. It was the sweetest thing.
He called once more after that, but we didn't talk very long. I missed him very much, and still do. Once, I even said some stuff at meeting in school about my friendship with Christian. He remains a very special person to me. But there's more.  I went to camp this year for a week. It was fun and I met some pretty cool people. I missed everyone at home a lot though! One night we were playing games involving food, and we were playing musical SPAM. At the thought of SPAM, I already had begun to get teary. Well, the game went like this. There were about 6 containers with raw SPAM in them. All the campers were sitting in a huge circle. Everyone would pass the SPAM around when the music was playing. Whoever was holding the SPAM when the music stopped had to take a bite out of it.
Now the idea of SPAM grossed me out, so I really didn't want to have to eat it. So I sat there, unhappily, and passed the SPAM around. I was doing ok for awhile, and then the music stopped. I was holding the SPAM. Now me being totally against SPAM, I refused to eat it. I could not bring myself to doing it. So luckily, this girl I had met sitting next to me did it for me. I think she sort of liked SPAM, because she did it for me twice. I admire her greatly for this. But have you ever seen raw SPAM! It smells like cat food, and it looks disgusting, and it reminded me so much of Christian I was trying my best not to burst into tears in front of everyone. I didn't succeed very well there, and then I had to hide my tear streaked face.
Nobody understood why I was spazing. But I did, and I tried my best to explain it to them. I still don't think they quite understand my reasoning. One guy made me feel better though, he was joking with me about "What if it were SPAM flavored icecream?" (I like icecream, a lot, I'll eat just about any flavor.) The thought of SPAM icecream was gross, but funny at the same time. I tried to think of something worse, succeeded, told him, and now we're plotting to open a revolting icecream flavor store...Spam-O-Rama. The next day, I spotted a girl wearing a SPAM shirt, and I flipped out. The End.  See that? That's SPAM MAN! Jimmy's SPAM MAN! Lol! You can actually buy your very own SPAM MAN from spam.com! |  |
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